don't panic

walkin' through an unknown park w/ unkown people....suddenly start noticing strange animals...i think a lemur, an anteater, and red panda...so strange. upon realizing that the animals didn't belong...we came to conclusion that a zoo had somehow gotten busted wide open and all the animals came to this (big) park. before we ask ourselvse what "else" got out....a juvenile female lion comes walking slowly (but gaining) behind us...my first thought is don't freeze, but don't freak, guessing if i run the hunt is on.

we gradually increase our pace but she does faster and eventually is right on our heels..but still casual. i put out a hand to her snout, like meeting a dog for the first time, offering a smell. she licks it! and starts just kind of cuddling and headbutting and licking me. i relax a little.

out of the corner of my eye i see three cops standing in a firing line formation near a tree and a hysterical woman gunning down another lion :( i know if i call to them they'll immediately shoot this lion who SO FAR seems chill...but then she starts playing rougher and rougher...teething on my forearm and it's beginning to hurt...a lot. i'm trying to stay calm and "play" and not fight back...but the pain is getting unbearable and i'm losing my calm. feeling a sick feeling that fighting back would end badly...i reluctantly scream, "officers! help!" and they turn around and shoot her.

she immediately lets go and is shot to death in front of me.

reuniting parts

been having a lotta very vivid dreams lately that i'm always disappointed about not recalling. vanessa just shoed her NYC to LA blog and got me inspired to come back to a tradition i've always enjoyed.

here's one i remember from a few days back. the dream itself was a fuckin' epic that i actually remember in my dream hoping that i would remember. yes...i knew i was dreaming, how interesting.

either way, i'd somehow tracked down an old bike that my current bike had inherited parts from (last owner's work) through craigslist i believe. like...tracked through old emails and serial numbers (not that bikes are serialed like engine blocks...) and tracked it down to a very homely country farm with a very nice...but strange family living there. i pulled up the driveway (i'd conversed with the owner somehow) and it was sitting right on the other side of this fence...so i jumped over and started taking a look at it before finding the owner...which is a little unlike me.

he heard the noise and did wander over to see what was up...i don't believe he was bothered at all taht i'd jumped his fence. we hadn't talked about price as i'd tracked it down (it wasn't for sale or anything) bt it was a heap. i wanted it for personal, possibly nostalgic reasons. in my head i was thinking of a number somewhere in the vicinity of $50 but he subtly drops $20 into our "hi i'm...oh really you work at...you have a beautiful place..." conversation and so i offeed, he was pleased, done deal.

as i'm getting ready to go to no place in particular with my new find, his wife comes out (they are both maybe in their 50s) and asks if i'd like to stay for dinner. again, unlike me...(usually afraid of awkward social situations) i accept. dream starts to get fuzzy here but i believe we're sitting at the dinner table with the man, a few of his young kids, i believe his wife was cooking...and it's taking a ridiculous amount of time for dinner to come up and i actually think i had to excuse myself and leave as it was getting a litle strange. a scene from the most recent 'texas chainsaw massacre' pops into mind...old house...every corner filled with "stuff" that seems neither harmful nor useful...and just...strange questions and awkward silences.

oh, and i think i drove up in a black el camino....ballin.

cute critter

crazy dream last night: find two impossibly small (near rat-sized), impossibly cute kittens. one black/gray stripes, one orange/white stripes, come up all cute and cuddly to christie and i. blackie (smaller of the two) goes apeshit and tears into my outstreched hand w/ at least 3 rows of needle-sharp teeth (ala critters) and orange bang follows suit. lil fuckers. woke up thinking i had rabies.....

bloody meat

dreamt i was eating a steak.

awoke drooling on my hand.

mmm....stake.

forgotten feeling

had a dream a few nights ago that i still can't get over simply because of a feeling i had in it. a feeling so strong and vivid that waking up without it felt like such a heavy loss...utter disappointment...and a troubling new desire to pursue it...

involved a really long party, the details of which are shady but involved lots of alcohol and eventually nakedness that (shocking) actually got to be a little bit much for me. at least one couple i do know (chris and laura) and a few others, turned into a huge orgy w/ a large number of sex toys, haha. i think i left when a strapon came out...it seems i'll never be a swinger (but i already knew that).

somehow end up alone with a cute little thing with just the most sincere smile. this part of the dream is just gonna be mine ;) however the NEXT morning is the feeling i missed so dearly upon waking up.

remnants of the party waking up in the morning...finding clothes, gathering belongings, smiling about the debauchery that was had the night before...and that moment where you find yourself sober with the girl you hooked up with the night before...and at the time that was all it was...two people enjoying each other's bodies. and seeing that smile again in the morning, and returning it, and kissing again as you know people are beginning to head out and making plans to see her again...

and seeing her smile. smiling with the same anticipation i have of seeing her again and at that point it's more than just two bodies, it's a connection...a chemistry...a depth.

all because of a smile.

i want someone to smile like that when they see me again...and want to give someone else that smile back.

but i'm not ready for everything else that entails yet...

mahea

had a dream that i was at some sort of business conference or corporate thinktank convention or something...my brother lewis was at it too for some reason...but in some other division or something.

one of those work hard all day and party hard with your peers afterwards...and somehow an old highschool classmate was there and we were chillin'. had a good night out catching up and whatnot...and she gives me a kiss on the cheek goodnight, then i think kisses me on the lips and whispers in my ear that i should call her sometime. she doesn't know i have girlfriend. our goodnight turns into heavy flirting and light teasing kisses and i tell her i have a girlfriend. she says she doesn't care. my brother walks by talking with a coworker and pretends not to see us.

the next evening (tonight, in the real world), i broke up with becky.

titanium

had a dream last night that i received a batch of PRISTINE, beautiful, polished titanium foil substrates for our solar cells. (we have a batch on order right now...)

sometimes jobs consume me....