forgotten feeling

had a dream a few nights ago that i still can't get over simply because of a feeling i had in it. a feeling so strong and vivid that waking up without it felt like such a heavy loss...utter disappointment...and a troubling new desire to pursue it...

involved a really long party, the details of which are shady but involved lots of alcohol and eventually nakedness that (shocking) actually got to be a little bit much for me. at least one couple i do know (chris and laura) and a few others, turned into a huge orgy w/ a large number of sex toys, haha. i think i left when a strapon came out...it seems i'll never be a swinger (but i already knew that).

somehow end up alone with a cute little thing with just the most sincere smile. this part of the dream is just gonna be mine ;) however the NEXT morning is the feeling i missed so dearly upon waking up.

remnants of the party waking up in the morning...finding clothes, gathering belongings, smiling about the debauchery that was had the night before...and that moment where you find yourself sober with the girl you hooked up with the night before...and at the time that was all it was...two people enjoying each other's bodies. and seeing that smile again in the morning, and returning it, and kissing again as you know people are beginning to head out and making plans to see her again...

and seeing her smile. smiling with the same anticipation i have of seeing her again and at that point it's more than just two bodies, it's a connection...a chemistry...a depth.

all because of a smile.

i want someone to smile like that when they see me again...and want to give someone else that smile back.

but i'm not ready for everything else that entails yet...